The fine art of Beer-Croquet is something few have completed, and even fewer (if any) managed to complete without being stone-drunk. Now then, I tried the masteries of club-swinging and bottle-avoidance, and when the game reached a halt some 3 hours later, a few had passed out on the grass, some was “in the box” with 3+ beers pending and most were just drunk. Me included.

However, allow me to try to explain the rules. It’s one of those “easy to learn, hard to master”-game, mostly because there’s a whole new level of tactical view, besides winning the game. The goal here is ofcourse to sabotage the other teams, and thus getting them even more drunk than yourself. Anyway, before I get too carried away; first step of the way is learning the original rules, which I won’t go into detail with. It’s the boring part.

The fun starts when the new rules are added. First of all, play it in teams. Teams of 2 is optimal, in my opinion, but 3 is doable too. I’ll rely heavily on using the term “in the box”, which I will explain first. A beer-croquet player (normally) has 2 hands. A clubbing-hand, and a beer-hand. A beer must – at all times – be in the beer-hand. The club is another part, as I sometimes has to be shared amongst the team. If you by any chance go in the box, you have to put down the club and take a beer in your clubbing-hand. Since you obviously can’t play with a beer in each hand, you’re back in the game once you’ve drunk one of the beers. This is why teams are needed as you can share between the team, and “take turns” in the box.

Important rule number 2 is about the bottles. Once a bottle has been emptied, it’s placed on the field, but has to have a club-head space from a “goal”, any ball or any other player. If a bottle is struck with any ball, the owner of said ball goes – you guessed it – in the box, and the bottle is removed from the game. If the bottle breaks, which will happen eventually, both go into the box, but the shooter has to collect the destroyed bottle too, ofcourse. The beer-crate, which ofcourse is on the field too, counts as a permanent bottle, in terms of being hit.

Other things that’ll get you into the box includes: getting physically hit by the ball (warning: this can hurt, and will happen if you’re not paying attention), hitting a gate with your club, tripping over a bottle, shooting when it isn’t your turn, breaking a club, being caught without a beer in your hand… and technical mistakes (very loose term, use with caution). Might be additional rules, but they’ve slipped my memory. In any case, they’ll probably go under the “technical mistakes”.

As a final comment, it’s best played with “Gold Tuborg” as the beer in question. Enjoy the game, and may the best drinker go down last. Oh, and say hi to the hangovers from me. They’ll be waiting for you.